I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
