from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
