I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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