why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
