Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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