you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
