i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
