Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
