Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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