This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
