k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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