She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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