I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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