Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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