Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
