Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
