Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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