If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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