i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
