I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
