I want to have your abortion
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
