Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
