Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
