im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
