Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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