I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
