WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
