By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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