): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
