my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The power of my boobs compel you
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
