You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
