That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
