walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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