I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i need some magic done to my vagina
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
