Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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