you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
