i don't like sucking hair
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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