I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
