Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
