Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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