haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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