How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
