yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
