New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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