Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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