God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
