I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
