Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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