Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
