I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
