Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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