I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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