i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
