just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
