I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize