last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
In America we eat man semen.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
