does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
