Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
