Will you blow on my dice?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
