He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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