theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
